![]() ![]() People who received Active Listening reported feeling more understood at the end of the conversation.īruneau, E. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31.Ī group of mostly young, white, female college students had brief conversations (about their biggest disappointment with their university) with someone trained to engage in Active Listening, someone who gave them advice, or someone who gave simple acknowledgments of their point of view. The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. Research suggests that using this technique can help others feel more understood and improve relationship satisfaction. It may also help facilitate constructive conversations across political, cultural, or other differences however, studies have found that, when there's a power imbalance between people of different groups, it's more important for the person with less social power to give their perspective while the person with more social power listens and tries to take their perspective. This technique is especially well-suited for difficult conversations (such as arguments with a romantic partner) and for expressing support. This exercise helps you express active interest in what the other person has to say and make them feel heard-a way to foster empathy and connection. In the process, we miss opportunities to connect with that person-and even risk making them feel neglected, disrespected, and resentful. Often we’ll listen to a conversation partner without really hearing them. It may also be helpful, when relevant, to express empathy for the other person’s perspective (e.g., “I know you’ve been very busy lately and don’t mean to leave me hanging.”). When sharing your perspective, express yourself as clearly as possible using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when you don’t help out around the house.”). Take turns. After the other person has had a chance to speak and you have engaged in the active listening steps above, ask if it’s okay for you to share your perspective.Moving too quickly into advice-giving can be counterproductive. Avoid giving advice. Problem-solving is likely to be more effective after both conversation partners understand one another’s perspective and feel heard.Try not to interrupt with counter-arguments or mentally prepare a rebuttal while the other person is speaking. Avoid judgment. Your goal is to understand the other person’s perspective and accept it for what it is, even if you disagree with it.Be mindful of your facial expressions: Avoid expressions that might communicate disapproval or disgust. Try to avoid attending to distractions in your environment or checking your phone. Use engaged body language. You can show that you are engaged and interested by making eye contact, nodding, facing the other person, and maintaining an open and relaxed body posture.For example, if the speaker expresses frustration, try to consider why they feel that way, regardless of whether you think that feeling is justified or whether you would feel that way yourself were you in that person's position. You might respond, “I can sense that you’re feeling frustrated,” and even “I can understand how that situation could cause frustration.” Express empathy. If the other person voices negative feelings, strive to validate these feelings rather than questioning or defending against them.Instead, ask questions to clarify their meaning, such as, “When you say_, do you mean_?” Try to avoid jumping to conclusions about what the other person means. Ask questions. When appropriate, ask questions to encourage the other person to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings.Helpful ways to paraphrase include “What I hear you saying is…,” “It sounds like…,” and “If I understand you right….” Paraphrase. Once the other person has finished expressing a thought, try to paraphrase what they said to make sure you understand and to show that you are paying attention.You don’t need to cover every step, but the more you do cover, the more effective this practice is likely to be. As they do so, try to follow the steps below. Invite this person to share what’s on their mind. Find a quiet place where you can talk with a conversation partner without interruption or distraction. ![]()
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